There were quite a few random characters on the boat along with myself as we cruised around Ha Long Bay:

• 4 testosterone-driven Douchy McDouchersons from Ireland
• 2 chill Brits who are teaching in Shanghai
• family of 5 from Holland (since I was a loserly party of one, I shared a double with the 22-year-old son)
• 2 women working in Nepal
• 2 world-traveling, wanderlusting Germans (father and son)
• an Austrian couple
  
• AND a Vietnamese man from Poland with his young Vietnamese girlfriend

The last pair pretty much kept to themselves until Doug, one of the Brits, talked to him while we were swimming. He found out that the man emigrated to Poland, that he was married, and that the woman who was there was not his wife. It was fairly obvious from the moment they boarded the bus that something was off. Married people generally don't act with such - and I don't know how better to say this - tact and civility and deference to one another.

Apparently, he's on a business trip to China and decides to stop in Vietnam to visit his family. And hang out with his girlfriend.

The way Doug told it was pretty funny. At one point during their conversation, the man in reviewing his cushy little situation had proclaimed, "It's nice to have money."

We heard about all this over dinner. The last dinner that we would have together, actually. And as they cleared up the dessert plates, a man with a tray of pearl jewelry of all sorts came over to the couple's table to show them the goods. We joked that he's gonna be paying now. The man looked like he was sweating already since the woman was trying on rings and such, looking at her hand admiringly. Doug said that he should come over, grab the biggest string of pearls, put it on her and tell her that she looks absolutely stunning in them and he should get them for her.

I told him, "Do it!"

He paused, hesitated for a moment, and then walked over.


He proceeded to throw out complimentary phrases that he knew in Vietnamese ("dep," meaning beautiful) while picking out random pieces. I hardly think the man was amused. I believe she ended up getting two pieces for around $100 (USD) each. Yay!

All the while, our dining table was laughing up a storm as the scene unfolded in front of our eyes.

You just had to be there. I know it might seem immature (oh hell, it is, but that's fine), but there's something entirely schadenfreude about it (braggart adulterer) that was superbly delicious. I enjoyed every moment.

On a side note, the man was talking to me the next morning, inquiring about my background and such. He seems friendly enough, but I'm not a fan of his so that's that. 

It is stunning. No photos will do it justice, to be honest. It is simply - simply - stunning.

And I had the most amazing time mainly because of the people I met there. I'll write more about this later but it involves a "beautiful" Vietnamese girl, her sugar daddy, and one of the most awesome British men there ever lived.

Before I arrived in Hanoi, Michael Dinh Nguyen (yes, the full name was necessary) told me that it's hot here. HOT. You're-not-gonna-wanna-do-anything hot. And true to my annoying self, I thought he was just being a melodramatic whiny little bitch (hehe, I'm not excluding that possibility). But, oh man, it. is. hot. I imagine if there were a hell, it would not feel unlike this. Hell. Or Miami. Different names for the same thing, eh? And if you want to recreate this experience, just go into a steam room and crank up the heat.

At some point I contemplated suicide just to get out of the heat. But I wouldn't have to, because at any point I could get hit by a motorbike or car on the street and that would be that. The traffic is HORRENDOUS here. I'm not talking about traffic jams, but the flow of it and the complete chaos of it all. I'm trying to get a hang of it, but to be honest, I don't want to have to adjust to this sort of ridiculousness.

So, with those two things out of the way (and they're huge things), here's a list of why things haven't been going so well up to this point:

• I feel like I left things linger before I left the US, so there are unresolved conversations that we can't have now, and probably never will again. It's over. And I just need to accept that.
  
• I really underestimated how much I'd miss everyone back home. I miss you! Send me an email sporadically so I know you're alive. And miss me, too. (;
• Traveling such a large distance really takes a toll out of you. I shouldn't underestimate that. Especially in this heat.
• And since I'm tired, I have absolutely no energy to do stuff - even stuff I LOVE like eating food. I had all of one meal yesterday (it was fine), and then bought a bag of chom-chom (rambutans). It's about 1.2kg, so I've got my work cut out for me. But it's so hot I hardly want to eat. This is why people are thin here. All the stressful motorbiking, smoking, and incapacity to eat because, again, it's effing hot!
• Also since I'm tired, I don't even bother talking to people or meeting people much, which makes me a little sad. But you know how they say "misery loves company?" I like to be miserable alone. Well, miserable with the interwebs, per this post.
• Finally, the most annoying thing is this nagging feeling that I'm constantly being ripped off. I think it might be better as non-Vietnamese-speaking/looking tourist because, yeah, it's annoying to try to communicate, but at least people aren't trying to (1) hard-sell you and (2) you don't realize the extent you're being ripped off. This actually plays into my existence as my parents' child. See, my mom would have nothing of this bullshit. She is a tough chica. My dad, however, would just roll right on over. (He's a turn-the-other-cheek kind of Christian, or tries very hard to be.) So right now, I'm stuck at this wedge of wanting to tell people to cut this shit out and at the same time, realizing that it's just money (and not that much money for me, while it might mean a lot to them). And yeah, it boils down to the principle of the matter, doesn't it? I've decided to just forgo principles. It's really not that much money and hanging onto dumbass principles will just keep that uncomfortable feeling in the back of my mind. Why do that to myself?

So that's mostly it. My expectations for a great trip really came crashing down to reality. But, I won't let it wear me down because, while yeah, it's hot, but I've had a really long sleep and things are looking better already. Back to my chom-chom.

Bonus random observations:

• It's true: Asians can't drive. I witnessed two separate motorbike incidents within the span of 30 minutes. No serious injuries from their pace, but I mean, falling off at any speed is no fun.
• You can fit a family of 4 on one motorbike (we call them hondas even when they're not made by Honda).

There's a Vietnamese guy sitting next to me in his 20's. He's got a stuffed bear on his lap. I'll leave it at that.

I think this lady plagiarized my declarations form, especially answers pertaining to health problems. I feel fine, but she's clearly sick. Oh well.

The song "Stop and Stare" was one of the songs that helped me get over my fear of leaving the comfortable corporate america persona behind. It treated me well financially, but, well, I don't think money has ever been the most important thing in my life. I hope it's not in yours either. Per Suze Orman: people first, then money, then things.

Someday, I hope to overcome my fear of commitment and actually commit to something wholeheartedly. Today, however, is not the day for it. I have much to learn and grow.

How glad am I that my G1 phone can connect to wifi, play music, and serve as a little blogging machine? AMAAAAAAAZING! (Thanks for pimping my phone out, D. More importantly, thanks for giving me the phone, Olga! You Ukrainians are the bestest!)

I have some tentative travel plans! Yay! Two nights in Ha Noi, then head to the northen mountains (Sapa) for 3 nights, go to Ha Long Bay for 3 nights, then go to the Perfume Pagoda...? The guide book says that you cruise on the river for about an hour. And only women row. All I could think was, daaaaaayum - that's some upperbody strength! [Yeah, yeah, Cat... I know I need to do pushups. Chances are I would still beat you at arm wrestling. (;]

Some lady just said to me: "oh, you're Vietnamese? I thought you were Laoatian." Yes, this Cali girl has a mad tan. Awesome!

BTW, my 105-pound ass already feels like a heffer and I haven't even landed in Vietnam yet. Yes, I think I am a size XXL. (: At least the pants will be the right length!

Oh yes, you can buy a whole package of cigs for $15 - tax-free. There are 200 sticks in there. What a steal, right? I just don't hate anyone enough to buy them cigs. Maybe if they were in prison I would be doing them a favor? Yeah. Evil stuff there.

That is all for now. (:

It must suck to be a flight attendant (stressful, confined quarters compounded with the random clientele). I wonder if the free travel is worth it. * I miss Brad Patch. I met that mofo on a flight from SFO to Tokyo and spent an unhealthy amount of time chatting about anything and everything. Despite my original intention of sleeping. It is rare to have such a connection, isn't it? * I have decided that it sucks to travel with children and yeah, they're kind of like a handicap. So no, I don't mind letting families board first because they need all the help they can get. * With every passing year, I become more convinced that I don't want kids of my own. Dogs, yes. Human children, no. * Why are we being fed at 3:30am? I dunno but I sure do love waking up to people bringing food to me, so.... * I feel bad for people who have a rugged, hard-core front and so they feel like they can't be loving and show and embrace that. I used to be such a person. Hell, I still am! But life really is far too short to let something like "you are a wonderful human being and I love you and want nothing but happiness for you" go unspoken. It's nice to hear. And, with enough courage, it also feels nice to say. Don't be afraid of going out on a limb without a guarantee of mutual requite. I believe Jenny was the one who mentioned the quote from Adaptation (paraphrase): you are who you love, not who loves you. I hope I didn't just butcher that beautiful sentiment.

With all that said, remember to stay wonderful.

• People who are cocksure about everything
• Airbrushing photos of children so that their skin looks plastic, but "perfect"
• Sausages (I'll eat 'em, and even love 'em, but I'm also quite wary of 'em)
• The phrase, "when it's right, you'll just know"

www.postsecret.com

This is the second time I moved a majority of my stuff on Independence Day (last time was in 2007). It's very symbolic, don't you think? Or maybe not. Most of my belongings fit in my little Toyota Rav4. I love that most of my belongings fit in my little Toyota Rav4! Minimalism FTW!

I really love Drake's "Best I Ever Had." It's so dirty. (The link is to a SFW, "clean" version.) That was just a random share.

I'm INCREDIBLY happy today because I'm shooting a wedding later and I actually got a lot of stuff done this morning (did I mention moving my stuff? man, my arms feel noodley...).

Last night - well, 3AM this morning - I was reading the Vietnam guidebook before falling asleep and they mentioned all the different street foods. My stomach started grumbling uncontrollably. I can't wait for all the good, authentic eats. Yum!

The picture is of Ms. Sasha, the cat, sitting in my laundry basket / suitcase. Como dice... awkward...? (: